Merry Xmas London, You Filthy Animal

As Macaulay Culkin discovered that fateful day when he found himself abandoned in New York, sometimes spending Christmas in the big city can be quite the adventure.

Granted, we may not be blessed with Tim Curry or our dad’s credit card or indeed a kind hearted pigeon lady to teach us the true meaning of Christmas, but this Christmas, London is delivering a bulging sack of cultural delights to keep us entertained. And hopefully keep us off the sofa watching Christmas movies…

Theatre
Tales of drunkenness, scandal and debauchery – consider it a warm-up for any Christmas worth remembering; Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales at Southwark Playhouse is an immersive performance as the theatre is transformed into a functioning tavern, with the audience at the centre as these medieval tales are spun around them. There’s even added authenticity considering the origin of the pilgrim’s journey to Canterbury, the Tabard Inn, once stood a mere five-minute walk from the theatre.

Simon Callow stars as the literary Christmas king himself, Charles Dickens, in a bicentennial production of the quintessential festive tale The Christmas Carol at Arts Theatre until January 14. For a more alternative Christmas, but still with a healthy dose of whimsy and magic, Southwark Playhouse steps in again, this time merging live action with projections in their fascinating adaptation of Diana Wynne Jones’ classic novel, and cult anime film, Howl’s Moving Castle, in their newest performance space, The Vault. With a score by Guillemots’ Fyfe Dangerfield and narration by Stephen Fry, this is one show not to be missed this Christmas.

Dance
It’s Christmas which in the dance world can only mean one thing – Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker. One of the most famous ballets and scores, this tale of young Clara and her wooden Nutcracker and a magical Christmas tree has become a yuletide staple and in 2011, it seems we’ve all gone mental for it with four major productions taking place throughout London.

Ever the traditionalists, English National Ballet transport us to Edwardian London at The Coliseum for Clara’s shenanigans with her Nutcracker saviour that frosty Christmas Eve. Bringing ballet to the big stage, Birmingham Royal Ballet will perform their Nutcracker at the mammoth O2 for three-days from December 27 – 30. But good luck getting tickets… Until January 18, the Royal Ballet showcases the country’s best ballet talents in the majestic surroundings of the Royal Opera House, just as this classic ballet was made to be seen. Finally at Sadler’s Wells, Matthew Bourne presents Nutcracker!, a fantastical journey into Bourne’s now infamous innovative mind with his much anticipated reimagining of the classic ballet.

Ice Skating
Ah London ice skating, where our nation’s finest tourist attractions offer their services as a festive backdrop before which we may legitimately fall arse over tit in front of hundreds of similarly uncoordinated skaters, imbibe copious amounts of overpriced mulled wine and abuse the unlikely ruse permitting Christmas singletons to steady ourselves on the limbs of strangers.

Our favourites include the Natural History Museum, perhaps the most beautiful of rinks with tickets starting at £13; skate amongst the battlements at the Tower of London for £12.50; the more fashion savvy might prefer the stylishly sponsored surroundings at Somerset House presented by Tiffany & Co, coming in at the top at £16.75. Somerset House is also home to the coolest club nights in London (get it?) with Lovebox and Ministry of Sound DJs providing a soundtrack to late night skating.

Yes inner city skating is pretty cruel on the ole purse strings, but surely the thrill of stealing a small child’s penguin skater is worth those extra few pounds…

Christmas About Town
While North Londoners out there may still be struggling with the sad absence of the huge luminous cross by Archway station in favour of a more subtle nativity scene, fret not, you can get your fill of icecap melting festivity around London’s best shopping streets. Carnaby Street is clearly trying to instil some festive romance in us all with huge garlands of mistletoe and holly while St Christopher’s Place has just gone for huge balls…baubles. Regent Street lights up with the fiery glow of materialism for another Christmas light spectacular, this time sponsored by film Arthur Christmas. I wonder what Santa would think of his son being the poster child for Christmas consumerism… Oxford Street has opted for some more tasteful snowflakes. And of course, Trafalgar Square is lit up with the usual 80ft gift from Norway, unsurprisingly the biggest Christmas tree in London. And reflecting London’s multiculturalism, you can also see London’s biggest Menorah, a mere sniff at 30 feet tall.

While this may be but a sprinkling of what is on offer in the capital this Christmas, hopefully it will serve as some inspiration for free – and some definitely not so free – things to keep you from scheming more appropriate relatives to reside atop the Christmas tree than the poor fairy.

So yes London, we will get down on our knees and tell you we love you. Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.

Image by worldoflard, Flickr.