Attack of the Street Lights

There are many things you have to sacrifice when you move to London. Decent fish and chips, elbow space on public transport, general peace of mind…

And although you don’t sign up for these things when you move here, you learn to accept them.

Of course you’ll never like them, but the tolerance you gain forms an unexplainable bond that leaves you a little anxious when you don’t have these inconveniences to put up with – I’m not sure I’ll ever feel comfortable on a tube if my face isn’t two inches from an armpit.

Yet there are certain things that I just can’t get used to; things I will not tolerate. Racism, tracksuits, poor coffee, sure, but today I’m talking about something more primitive, more basic. Something every human should have access to. I’m talking about darkness. Yes, darkness. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not shy around a light bulb. I’ll even go so far as to admit I’ve got one or two around the house – but there’s a time and a place for it.

The absence of light, you may say, is easy to obtain. Just close the curtains, shut your eyes or why not just wait for night-time? But next time the sun sets, take a look around. What can you see? Exactly – you can see everything. And that’s because it’s physically impossible to stand more than six feet away from a street light.

It’s fine and dandy when I’m out and about, but when I’m lying in my bed, blinds shut and curtains pulled and I’m still kept up by the incessant light pouring through my window, I get peeved.

Little did I ever think that I would look through my window at the invention we all thought so sweet back in the day and think ‘You jammy bastard, mocking me with your omnipresent light.’ Why oh why am I kept up until the wee hours every night by pseudo-sunlight until the actual sunlight comes back?

Is Boris scared of the dark? Are we starting a hate campaign against the planet? I know they call it the city that never sleeps, and that’s great for 24-hour Tescos, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have to. I’m going to start a petition to get darkness put on the human rights list. If only I wasn’t so tired… Damn you, street light!

Image by threefingeredlord courtesy of Flickr