8
Jul
2010

Don’t Mention the Score

As the footy anthem goes (to the tune of Music Man): ‘I am an England fan, I come from down your way and I can play – ‘what can you play?’ – I can play the Great Escape!’ Well, that’s good – a quick escape from South Africa is exactly what you need, because whatever you can play, you certainly can’t play football.

But I won’t let this turn into a rant about England’s World Cup campaign this year – 400 words aren’t enough for that. Instead, as I was wandering the streets of London in footy despair on Sunday afternoon, I got to thinking how each type of football fan can be compared to a famous London landmark:

The London Eye Fan keeps a close watch on every move in the game and knows exactly what’s going on, because of course, he’s seen it all before. He goes round and round with analysis of the match and is always the one whose opinion you should trust.

The National Portrait Gallery Fan pretends to love the game, but has no actual understanding of the rules. Rather, this fan cares more about the good looking players, and knows all about their lives and what latest hairstyle they’re sporting.

The St Paul’s Cathedral Fan is an old, established follower of the game and as such, knows that the only way England can win is by a miracle. This fan, therefore, spends the entire game in silent prayer and hopes that his faith will do the [hat]trick.

The British Museum Fan can’t enjoy the game while it’s on, only once it’s past. He constantly spouts information about the history of football, team statistics or what happened last time these two teams met. He is in his element during England-Germany matches.

The Tower of London Fan spends the entire 90 minutes finding fault with refereeing decisions, swearing incessantly at the linesmen and shouting that the ref ought to be locked up and tortured.

The Ritz Fan only watches football from a box and never in the stands. He wears his football shirt collar up. Dahling, pass the Pimm’s?

The Notting Hill Fan enjoys football for what it is and doesn’t take it too seriously. He loves the spirit of the game and has a vuvuzela in every colour.

Which brings us to the final London landmark – the Wimbledon Fan, well, cares nothing about football and is watching the tennis. I think I know what kind of fan I am now…

Image by Colin Gregory Palmer courtesy of Flickr

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