Anti-Valentines

Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for the happy and loved-up to celebrate with smug kisses and heart-shaped gifts.

For the cynical, however, it’s a chance to stick two fingers up to commercialism and Clintons. So if you’re not celebrating Valentine’s this Sunday, London is full of untapped ways to joy in the delights of being single.

Tell Cupid where to stick his arrow
Be in charge of the arrows for once, and head to 2020 archery centre in Islington which is running a singles Valentine’s session. There will be equal teams of Maid Marians and Robin Hoods, and you’ll be taught all the basics before entering a mini-competition. And then – to ensure the festivities continue – the organisers will take you all to the pub for a drink or two.
4pm, Saturday 13 February – £30 per person, 2020 Archery Centre, 17 Barnsbury Terrace, Islington, N1 1JH

Be single and proud
Proud Camden is hosting an anti-Valentine’s club night on Friday. This will include live music from Lords of the Flatbush, a one-off appearance from ’90s legends Saint Etienne, an anti-love photobooth – with classic sayings in the background such as: ‘It’s not me, it’s you’ and ‘I need some space’. And strictly no love songs. That’ll show ‘em.
7.30pm, Friday 12 February at Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, The Stables Market, Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8AH

Cook up a storm
Grab yourself a last minute date at a unique singles’ cooking night, organised by Venturi’s Table, an Italian cookery centre in Wandsworth. Combine speed dating with hands-on cookery lessons accompanied by a glass of Sicilian wine, and then sit down to eat what you’ve cooked with your new ‘friends’.  
Sessions cost £55 and are running Monday 8 and Tuesday 9 February.  To book call: 020 8875 7488 or email: love@venturis-table.com

Say ‘bloody hell’ to it all
Head for the Bloody Masquerade ball at The Brickhouse in Aldgate. Enjoy cabaret, burlesque and circus acts while sipping a Bleeding Heart cocktail. Check out the juxtaposing slushy rom-coms with slasher movies projected on screens across the venue. Visit the red light district parlour where manicurists will paint your nails in signature scarlet shades, or relax in the third floor love den complete with luxurious white beds. Dress-code is full-on fancy: bloody vampires, love-bugs and serial killers.
Check out: www.thebrickhouse.co.uk, or call: 020 7247 0005

Laugh, even though your heart is breaking
The Pork & Pickle Pie Comedy Club is running a Stupid Cupid: Anti-Valentine’s Stand-up Spectacular night. Taking place at The Britannia Pub, Victoria Park, on Thursday 11 February, it features some of the UK’s best stand-up talent, including the Sunday Defensive and Lee Kern, with love-themed humour.
They’re also offering two free tickets and free drinks to one lucky London Word reader who can send in the funniest story or joke on the topic of love. Email your entries to: emma@thelondonword.com