Londoner Syndrome

There is something plaguing those of us that dwell in the city of London. ‘Londoner Syndrome’. This is the diagnosis given to define an individual from London who expresses mannerisms, thought processes and terminology that is suggestive of them being a Londoner.

This syndrome has varying degrees of severity which translates to shameless snobbery. Some people are only effected moderately whilst others are consumed by the condition. Sufferers will display the symptoms no matter where they are geographically and irrespective of what kind of sociological and culturally environment they are in.

I am a chronic sufferer of Londoner Syndrome. I became aware of my condition a few years ago whilst visiting a friend in Wales. The first thing I noticed was how clean the air was when I arrived, the lack of smog in the atmosphere. I remember lighting up a cigarette which made my lungs feel right at home. This of course was the first indicator of my condition. The second indication was that I attempted to board a bus using my Oyster card! A tragedy, even by my own standards.

No, this is not just a matter of  social conditioning where the worst Londoner Syndrome sufferers would all be in cognitive therapy talking through their lacklustre commuter relationship with TFL which is marred with the never-ending  delays.  The overcrowded barnyard travelling conditions. The obvious lack of Wi-Fi that other cities in the world are privileged to have and of course the deviously inflated ticket prices.

We also spew on about Boris Johnson and why he‘s attempting to reduce traffic congestion and limit air pollution in the city by urging people to abandon their vehicles and rent out one of those unsteady looking communal bikes that make you look like a mobile advert for Barclays.

Not forgetting to mention the impending doom about to be visited upon taxpayers when the 2012 Olympics descends like an unwelcome family member or a friend. The person who feels that they can just spontaneously show up on your front doorstep at the start of the weekend and announce that they want to stay, to which you have to acquiesce.

However, by Sunday you end up resenting  them because they leave without paying for any of the hot water used or the food eaten and just not acknowledging that they have imposed on your life for the last 48 hours.

It is fair to say that a majority of Londoners have expressed Londoner Syndrome in one form or another. If not, you most likely use the Metropolitan tube line frequently. Know your neighbours by their first names and look after their pets when they go away on holiday. You probably also don’t read the Guardian and, you have now idea what the word ‘shank’ means.

Image by ewen and donabel courtesy of Flickr