A London New Year

New Year’s Eve – when extortionate drinks and taxi fares, subzero temperatures and handsy passers-by accumulate to what I like to call an evening of false promise.

Needless to say I have never been much of a fan of New Year. Much of the resentment comes from the unspoken competitive element to have the most debauched evening filled with suitably festive shenanigans to set the pace for the coming year.

Examples may include swinging from a lamp post in time to the bells as they strike midnight, dancing rhythmically to the sound of thousands of pounds exploding colourfully in the sky, working your way down a line of policemen on duty delivering New Year kisses…

Strangely the latter is actually a borrowed anecdote from a friend of mine and perhaps one I could advocate. For the last five years I have spent my New Year’s Eve on the streets of Edinburgh, warming my cockles amongst men in kilts and Spanish tourists, swigging whisky from plastic bottles while using the icy ground as a handy propellant during the more vigorous routines of Auld Lang Syne.  They were happier times. However this year, I will (likely) be in London.

The concept of organising a New Year’s Eve with friends in Edinburgh was challenging enough and so when faced with organising the same in London alongside some 7,000,000 residents I have opted for a more military approach to New Year – which I will now share with you.

If you are hoping not to haemorrhage money on Friday, the most iconic London NYE event has to be the infamous fireworks display on the South Bank (as televised on the BBC if your Christmas induced food coma restricts you leaving the house). Starting after Big Ben rings in the New Year and lasting 10 minutes, this incredible display never fails to illuminate the beautiful London skyline and get us all asking: ‘Who exactly is paying for all this?’ Best place to watch is from Westminster Bridge or from the north embankment but with over 700,000 in attendance, it’s probably best to get down there early.

If standing on a bridge watching a more colourful version of student protest bonfires around Westminster isn’t your bag, London’s pubs and clubs are stepping up their game this year to present an array of nights to keep you entertained until the wee hours. Highlights include Club NME NYE Ball with British Sea Power at Koko with support from ones-to-watch in 2011: Fiction.  For people after a little more bang for their buck, you can’t really go wrong with a Bugged Out shindig at XOYO featuring DJ sets from Friendly Fires, Hannah Holland and Matt Walsh in the basement and ’90s classics from Pump Up the Volume on the top floor.

If you’re after something with a more vintage feel, The Book Club are paying homage to the sound and style that inspires the tea dresses and moustaches of east London by hosting the Blitz Ten Inch with DJ sets from Count Skylarkin and Disco Shed Soundsystem and era appropriate live entertainment from Derriere, getting us jiving away into 2011.

Any self respecting reveller will know that the morning after the night before is just as important as the night itself, a chance to rob that dog of its hairs or, in the case of many Londoners, join the hoards for an afternoon of brass bands, choirs, circus performers and line dancing.

Come again?

That’s right, the London New Year’s Day Parade celebrates its 25th anniversary this year. I didn’t know it existed either…

Lining the streets with thousands of weird and wonderful performers, the New Year’s Day Parade winds it’s way through the capital from Berkeley Street via Piccadilly, Trafalgar Square and Whitehall to finish in Parliament Square – think of it as a more organised, better policed and more tuneful mob compared to those who populated the streets the previous evening. With American high school marching bands, London hospitals, the London Fire Brigade, an appearance by the Donkey Breed Society with 25 of its four legged members – this is the true definition of a New Year extravaganza. The event is free and predominantly standing but for those still a little shaky on their legs, there is limited grandstand seating available for a price.

Needless to say, there is no reason for anyone to be bored in London this New Year – and with free London transport between 11.45pm to 4am perhaps there was no need for such organisational trepidation. Come midnight, I’ll be the one abseiling down Big Ben.