Nature Valley and Ben Fogle

Loving a job doesn’t mean that you won’t occasionally make a tit of yourself whilst trying to perform.

Somewhat less universal a truth is that you will behave like a tit around Ben Fogle: presenter, adventurer and poster child for Nature Valley Granola Snack Bars.

The plan was that there would be a free picnic in Russell Square – organised by Nature Valley – and, before that, the press would spend half an hour trotting eagerly beside Ben Fogle as he showed us some of London’s ‘secret’ green spots. The aim was to show Londoners that with so many squares and parks, there is no need to spend lunch hours playing human Tetris in Prêt.

Sadly, I remain none the wiser about our secret green spots as when my alarm went off I silenced it off with a single blow and returned happily to sleep. I’m sure everyone’s had their sleeping brain betray their waking plans. I need to learn to set my alarm so that it yells motivational phrases such as ‘don’t be late for Fogle.’

So I arrived in Russell Square at the same time as the walk was finishing up there and spotted my plus one who had been on time, gone walking and – as a bonus – developed a man crush on Ben Fogle. ‘He tells great anecdotes,’ said my friend blushing, ‘you should go and interview him.’ He helped me with a list of questions, most inappropriate, but I was in a panic and wrote them down anyway. One question was, ‘how do you achieve your ruddy glow?’

I went over to Ben Fogle and, true to the hype, he was great. He was telling me about getting married with a maggot in his hip when we were interrupted by an old man. The old man was very interested in Ben’s physical condition and asked, ‘how much do you weigh, before adding, ‘you look ever so well.’

Standing on the sidelines, wondering how I could get back in, my brain played word association, ‘well…ruddy glow!’

‘Ruddy glow! Ruddy glow!’ I chanted at Ben, pointing at his complexion.

I gave him a look of intimacy and understanding. The look he returned was one of ‘there is a crazy person talking to me but I am a professional and will tolerate her.’

The old man continued talking and besieged by instant regret, I slunk away.

The final goof came after we had been sitting on a picnic rug, chomping from a  free bag of Nature Valley snacks. I had been racking my brain for how I could do something professional to save face, ‘a photo!’ I thought.

With my friend in tow, I set up a lovely photo however, the moment I pressed the big silver button, my camera died. What I should have done was murmur, ‘thank you’ and later organise an image from the PR company but I had clearly stepped too far across the threshold of self-destructive behaviour to turn back.

‘Battery’s gone!’ I announced idiotically, completing my tit hatrick.

To find out about future Nature Valley events and green spots near you visit the website