Valmont Club: All That Glitters…
Unfortunately in life, having money often means having access to the finest things around; designer clothes, the best restaurants and that most strange and beautiful creature – the members club. So when an invite to the first birthday party of Fulham’s luxurious Valmont Club arrived on my desk, I grabbed the chance to put my broom away and be Cinderella for a night.
The invite promised free Champagne and celebrity Djs, and a quick scour on Google images promised reality TV stars, footballers wives and Russian billionaires. GQ magazine even had the 300-capacity club listed as one of the hundred best things in the world. The entire world. It seemed like we were in for one hell of a night…
We arrived at the unmarked door clad in our bestest bling and lashings of eye-liner, and although there was a queue initially, we did get in straight away. Inside, it was bonkers. Previous press coverage had made a point of how stylish the interiors were, but faux-ostrich skin walls, shiny black tiles and gold wherever it could be rammed certainly didn’t seem like the epitome of 2008 style to me. It was tacky, and like the outfits of most of the women there, managed to cost an absolute fortune but look like it was from a market stall.
The second, smaller room, or Electric Salon to give it it’s Sunday name, was even more bizarre. As a writer, I should never admit this, but I just do not have the words. It looked like an MFI fitted bedroom from the ’80s, complete with white porcelain statues of braying horses. No really. All it needed was a black and white Athena poster of a shirtless man holding a baby and the scene would have been complete.
We did have a good time, though. This was largely due to the buckets of complimentary wine we managed to guzzle, but the club’s claim of having polite and talented bar staff was very true. If you can go along and not take it seriously, then you really can have a good time here, and The Electric Salon is worth the entrance fee alone.
As a party, it was a bit of joke – the only ladies loo broke, leaving us to use the gents and posh though it was, it was still a gents loo. The champagne ran out upsettingly early, the canapés were very, very good, but there weren’t enough of them, and by the time we left at midnight neither of the celebrity DJs had even turned up, let alone played.
On our way out, we overheard a gentleman telling the bouncer very loudly that ‘David Gest will be down in an hour or so – keep an eye out.’ And that was the nearest we got to the glittering world of celebrity.
The Valmont Club
226 Fulham Road
SW10 9EL
Tel: 0207 352 6500
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I have just come over this review and must say i am rather suprised as i was also at the party on Wed and thought it was excellent, Giles Deacon and Leah Wood were Djing, an amazing atmosphere with many of the chelsea high society set in attendence with Pippa Middleton and Chelsy Davy also present. The club itself is far from tacky in my opinion, however reading the review above its quite clear the lady in question has no idea of the Chelsea party set or what really the royal borough is about. I would suggest you read the positive reviews on more respected sites that give a more acurate account of the evening, also ones that have a more understanding of the scene in the area, Chelsea is very different to Central and East London where it seems most of the reviews of the site are from. I suppose thats what happens when the Pr company invite mediocre journos to such events. Personally i think Valmonts is a amazing place and the turnout for the bday party clearly showed that, also the open bar was open all night unlike many other such events where they give you a welcome drink and thats it, yes the toilets did have a problem but that can happen, from what i remember it was fixed quite quickly. Either dont take my word for it or some 3rd rate website for that matter, go and check it out yourself, i am sure you will have a great night if you are familier with what happens in the Royal Borough.
Clemmie
Poor deluded Clemmie. If this club is really full of people that feel the need to refer to Chelsea as the ‘Royal Borough’ then it is one to be avoided. If your judgement of a venue is based on whether Chelsea and Pippa are in attendance then you really are tragic. You might also like to focus a little more on that expensive education and see if you can learn to spell.
There may well be some truth in what you have to say, Ysabel, though as a ‘mediocre journalist’, what do I know?!
Well, I do know this much; how to spell words like ‘familiar’ and ‘accurate’, and that The Valmont Club was absolutely bonkers.
I think my invitation back to The Royal Borough has got lost in the post somewhere…
…somehow I don’t think you’ll lose sleep over it Gemma!