Random Rants
11Things I Hate About the Tube
Travelling on the London Underground can be a character building experience, to say the least. At times you can feel like a farm animal in a claustophobic pen, being pushed and elbowed into a corner, face pressed against pane, or worse still: into the pungent armpit of some stinking commuter. That’s not to mention the signal failures, suspect [...]
Penalty Charge Notice? Bite Me
As a freelancer I work here, there and everywhere, and my current contract means I have to drive to work, gritting my teeth against the torture of traffic on the north, then south circular (which is a whole other rant altogether) and make the unfortunate shlep across town to Shepperton Studios: Destination Nowhere.
Credit What? Coping With the Big Crunch
So, this, what is it called again? The ‘Credit Crunch’ is it? Remind me because it’s hardly been mentioned at work, at home, on the Tube, in the shower, at the vets, during sex, at dinner or anywhere else. Why the newspaper is choosing to ignore the looming recession and focus solely on BBC re-runs of [...]
London’s Foxes - Where Will it End?
As a London-based serial pet owner (ancient cat died, guinea pigs massacred by foxes but not eaten, goldfish transferred to a friend’s huge tank to live out their retirement, stick insects stuck at for three years… I could go on…) I can’t be accused of not liking animals. I do. To the extent that we’re [...]
Credit Crunch London - What a Week!
If Carlsberg did credit crunches, the markets would be based on units of alcohol consumed by Londoners, Lehman Brothers would be an action thriller starring Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson, and liquid (the city’s new buzz word) would be served chilled in a pint glass.
Did Vampires Haunt London?
It sounds absurd to suggest that tales of vampire-like entities have roamed some of London’s most derelict and overgrown places. Generally, we perceive such ‘monsters’ as fictitious, and certainly movie-based apparitions intent on sucking the blood of damsel’s in distress. Well, that’s maybe just my own erotic belief, but delve into the archives of London’s [...]
London: A City Obsessed With Technology
I hate technology as much as the Queen hated Dodi Al Fayed; only I’m more upfront about it. If I was on my moped and saw an Apple Mac sidling along beside me in its Merc’ I would definitely obstruct the driver’s vision. London is a city that lives and breathes technology. Its deep, smoggy [...]
Seeing Red on London’s Foxes
With a London population numbering over 10,000, it’s clear the urban fox is here to stay. But it’s a night visitor that divides people: a few years ago I wrote to my local paper in SW London, vociferously attacking the band of rust-coloured vermin that patrol my local streets at night, causing my children to [...]
The Soulless Hovel of a London Ad Agency
When I accepted employment as an account manager at a London advertising agency my nearest and dearest patted me on the back and sent me off to the frontline (people in advertising love to speak in war language, ‘assemble the troops’, ‘divide and conquer’, ‘we’re all tossers’… ok maybe they don’t say that last one).
Do Big Cats Roam the Outskirts of London?
During mid-August 2008 a Thamesmead man had three sightings of a large, dark-coloured cat during the early hours as he peered out from his window. On each occasion, the animal he saw appeared bigger than a Labrador, but was of feline gait, and after a few minutes slinked out of sight. Surprisingly, these kinds of [...]
Recent Comments