The Posh Gangland

It may not be completely obvious to the naked eye, but an invasion has taken place. Unlike in the East End where gang culture has been repeatedly shown across our television screens, this new sect has surfaced through not murder or muggings, but reality TV. With E4 launching the fourth series (Yes, FOURTH) of their smash hit Made in Chelsea this week, there has sprung up a number of groups exactly like those from the show. Expanding quicker than E.coli, they infect the streets with their flashy cars, expensive wardrobes and to-end-the-world personal troubles. They may not seem dangerous and they may not carry guns, but beware, even though they won’t kill you with bullets or slay you with knives, they will take you down with their condescending tones.

Walking through Kensington and Chelsea, it seems that I need to constantly be on my guard for these social creatures. In fact, the best way to spot them, my fellow Londoners, is by their conversations. As you sit in any café or restaurant keep your eyes peeled and your ears pricked for chit-chat that sounds like this: ‘Oh Priscilla, your chinchilla overcoat looks to die for’. I am at a loss for words!

It is unfortunate but there are people who want to emulate those of MiC (I have chosen to abbreviate the title; the long one is just too painful to write) right down to their annoying voices. Indeed, they have a penchant for changing the simplest words in the English language. For example, the word ‘yes’ can have many guises. These gangs change it to ‘yarse’ or ‘ya’ as if they don’t have the time to formulate a correct sentence or read through a dictionary. It is things like this that really irk me, as if the rest of us displayed such disregard for the English language we would be ridiculed by our friends. These people, on the other hand, seem to encourage one another!

It is as though they all walk through life in a pristine bubble which the economic recession, the Euro crisis and homelessness cannot penetrate. I read somewhere once that there’s a distinction between First and Third World problems. Where one may be starving and without food, these people complain about their BlackBerrys running out of charge, troubles with matching clothes and that they can’t get their caviar just right.

The MiC gangs seem to take this a step further and complain about the slightest problems. For example, I was once sitting in a café with a friend and in sauntered three girls. Now, as much as I like to look at three attractive women the thing they did next repulsed me. They proceeded to begin clicking their fingers to get the waiter’s attention. Do they not know proper café etiquette? Do they not have manners? The answer seems to be an emphatic ‘NO’.

So I feel I need to warn you, there has been an infection of a new type of gang, one that is drenched in wealth and filled with patronising asides. Alas, there doesn’t seem to be an end insight as E4 airs another series: we Londoners have to prepare for the ongoing infection of The Posh Gangland.

Image by Philip Taylor PT courtesy of Flickr