We may be too old and hefty for donkey rides and helter skelters, but that doesn’t stop us enjoying all the fun of the fair.
Even the most highbrow city dwellers get a little crazy at the penny slots and high from the constant onslaught of sugared treats. Anyone who enjoyed a traditional seaside holiday as a kid will be transported back to a time when New Kids on the Block were new and Captain Planet ruled the, well, planet.
A traditional seaside holiday is bloody good fun. No one in the world makes beach huts, piers and sandcastles quite like us. Our inherent eccentricity overshadows any thought that Punch and Judy might be a bit naff and cockles are basically vinegared bogeys.
British beaches can also be some of the most relaxed and non-judgemental. When the bloke in the next deckchair has bigger boobs than your girlfriend and someone’s granddad is still wearing his socks under his sandals, you can really let loose.
Our fair land actually prefers quirky sunglasses and vintage cossies to rock hard abs and bum implants. That’s not to say that sexy surfers aren’t about. In fact, there’s plenty of eye candy on our shores.
There’s a scene for everyone. Pristine stretches of gorgeousness are just a walk away from traditional fishing harbours and old-fashioned little seaside villages. What’s kept the sky rises and super resorts at bay is of course, our unpredictable and unruly weather.
The risk of spending your week in sloshing rain is one you’ll have to take. We are British, after all.
Some Great British beaches…
Best for: Natural beauty
Cardigan Bay, West Wales
This beautiful bay is truly breathtaking. Dolphins play in the waves and the windswept golden sands go on for miles. Life here is seriously laid-back. Go on a long walk or explore a local gallery before collapsing in a cosy cottage.
Best for: Surfing
The northern coast of Cornwall is the perfect place to take a dip. You’ll probably need a wetsuit, but the bracing cold of the water and thrashing rain is sure to blow away the cobwebs. Enjoy the buzzing nightlife and grab a cheap and cheerful surf hostel for the night.
Best for: Tradition
Gaudy, flashy, cheesy and fun, Blackpool is the essence of kitsch. Hit the slot machines, play whack-a-mole until your thumb bleeds, munch deep fried doughnuts, throw up in a bin after too many goes on the rollercoaster. Just don’t forget to send your mates a saucy postcard.
Best for: Cool
If all that leaves you feeling a little queasy, skip along to Brighton instead. With a lovely old pier and a picture perfect pebbled beach, this gentrified town will not disappoint. At night, there are literally hundreds of pubs, bars and clubs, some of which rival anything you’ll find in London.
Best for: Calm
This Norfolk gem is like visiting another world. Ride horses through the sand dunes, wander through forests and relax on a beach has been graced with the royal pooper scooper. Friends, if it’s good enough for Her Majesty the Queen, its good enough for us.