6
Apr
2012

Hooray for Tit Monday!

Winter is a twat. There, I said it. Winter, no one likes you. Fuck off. What a waste of four months.

There are a few bright spots in the arse-end of a year – namely Christmas (quickly wears thin), NYE (is it ever anything other than anti-climactic?), my birthday (always a wonderful celebration). But that’s it. You shiver and shudder in near perpetual darkness for what seems an eternity, comfort eating and becoming what the French call a ‘fat cunt’. I don’t like winter; I think that is clear.

However, I bring salvation to the masses in the form of my favourite day of the year. It’s not that well known, in fact I believe it has already passed. Some may be aware of it (90 per cent of straight males and a good smattering of lesbians), and some will have never heard of it (90 per cent of straight females and 100 per cent of homosexuals). It is what makes all straight men awaken from hibernation. It makes them realise that life isn’t one big shitty, cold, dank and pointless winter’s night. No my friends. We are talking about TIT MONDAY. Can anyone think of a better day in the year? I can’t. It combines all that is great about the world. Namely the end of winter, and TITS.

For those of you unfamiliar with such a date, indulge me if you will. You struggle through December, January and February suffering endless re-runs of Friends, that shit sitcom with the horrendous giantess who was in Hyperdrive and that gaggle of fuckwits who inhabit The Apprentice. You notice on the BBC website that it’s due to be warm (let’s say 17 degrees) on Monday. You begin to wonder, you begin to hope. Could it be that day?

You emerge from your house on Monday morning bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Your walk to the tube is a more spritely affair than normal. You scan the crowd… and it is then that you realise. The great womenfolk of this great city have decided that it is warm enough to dispense with the cardigan. It is warm enough to shelve the winter wardrobe. It’s time for that strappy top, the one that reveals that oh-so-missed glimpse of daytime cleavage.

It is at this point that you realise just how much of a dick winter is for forcing millions of women to cover up. So I say rejoice! Summer is here, and all is right with the world. Men, enjoy the show, drink it in and remember what it is about summer that makes everything great. And appreciate the day that kicks it all off… TIT Monday. Slightly rapey? Yes. Fucking awesome? Also yes.

Image by Jim Linwood courtesy of Flickr

3 Responses

  1. Frank

    What a load of pre-pubescent drivel, Is this really the best London has to offer in the way of a comment on life? The London Word has clearly seen better days and is now scraping the barrel.

  2. Ha! Fuck Frank Luke, I love this post.. it made me smile, it made me laugh a little but, and then it made me put my best tit-enhancing top on for a ride on the tube. Glad to make your day.

  3. bunga_bunga

    has tit monday actually happened yet – if it has, there’s a good chance we could be in for a double- a month of rain and gloom in london will see a monday, not too far in the future where the smiles & cleavages will return.

    here’s hoping

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