21
Oct
2009

My Househunting Hell: Part II

Despite the landslide of shit that had come before it, this particular house-hunt will live in infamy as the day that took not only the biscuit but also the accompanying cup of tea.

This particular afternoon the sun was shining through the bare branches and the air was redolent with hope. I noticed a whimsical nuance to my stride as I approached what could be my new home. I had a good feeling about this place and was optimistic for the first time in two bleak gypsy months!

The road of potential residence was neither busy nor deserted. There was a man walking in front of me who I decided to overtake. As we came level I briefly surveyed him, as us single gals do. At first glance there was nothing remarkable about this 30-something gent. Second glance was a different story all together. I had to double take, but on my second perusal I confirmed that he had, cradled chest high in a plastic bag, a great big steaming shit.

Being the kind of girl that, if pushed, could find the redeeming attributes in Beelzebub himself, my immediate thought was of admiration; what a good citizen he was picking up his dog’s mess. Then it dawned on me that there was no Scooby accompanying this Shaggy, he was man’s-best-friend-less, no partner or friend with a dog in the vicinity. The man and our surroundings were decidedly dogless.

I was now in front of the man so I could no longer see him, but I still had a sense of him in my spatially-aware rearview mirror. Instinct said ‘flight’ and I began to speed up, but it was too late…my peripheral vision caught sight of a raised arm and all of a sudden, ‘SPLAT’.

I stopped dead in my tracks. This could be the moment I went over the edge. I turned and looked to my fate, I was simultaneously surprised, satisfied, horrified and amused as the shit lay displayed in its stinky splatter all over the pavement, the bulk of it inches from me, some of it pebble-dashed onto the back of my legs.

I bewilderedly shouted to the man ‘what the fuck do you think you’re doing??!!’ and he quite nonchalantly replied ‘what? It didn’t even hit you in the end anyway!’ He then crossed the road and walked off in the other direction.

That’s right folks, just when you think life can’t throw anymore shit at you, someone literally throws shit at you!

Read Holly’s Househunting Hell Part 1.

Image by nicksarebi courtesy of Flickr

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