I’ve spent an unusual amount of time at concerts lately. I’m now generally used to the fights, theft, moshing, sweat and absolute tossers who can’t be avoided.
I’m even used to the gallons of flying beer – the same beer that cost £4 a pint, that is – and I comfort myself with the knowledge that I can just wear scruffy clothes and jump straight in the shower when I get home.
What I’m neither used to, nor okay with, is the concept of flying piss.
I was at Oasis’ Wembley Stadium concert on Sunday and we felt the first shower of beer when the damn support act was still on, for God’s sake. It was definitely beer: it was cold and had that yeasty, nit-shampoo smell. But my boyfriend grimly remarked, ‘If anything wet hits you, make sure you keep your mouth closed.’ I was confused. ‘Why?’ I asked. And he explained to me the concept of flying piss: how those who can’t hold it but don’t want to lose their place in the crowd just let it all go into an empty cup and then – presumably for kicks and drunken giggles – hurl the cup and its repulsive contents into the unsuspecting crowd.
I stared in appalled disbelief. No way. Urban legend, surely.
About halfway through, my friend nudged me. ‘Careful,’ she murmured, ‘the guy in front is pissing in a cup.’
Ewwww. Seriously? As I watched, he carefully put the now full cup between his feet. ‘At least he hasn’t thrown it,’ I said hopefully.
But his mates were on the case. There was much laughing and gesticulating and pointing at the cup. The pisser looked around sheepishly and caught my eye.
‘Don’t do it,’ I said firmly.
‘I know, but these guys say I should,’ he explained earnestly, clearly in the grip of a terrible quandary. ‘But I really don’t want to be That Guy.’
‘Please, DON’T be That Guy,’ I entreated him, ‘there is no good in being That Guy.’
He was torn – what a dilemma. But in the end, his instincts won out – he picked up the cup and lobbed it as far as he could into the audience, showering a good many people with his urine. I don’t think I was the only one who felt a little bit sick.
And it is with this incident in mind that I send out a plea that I never thought I’d have to make to all readers and their friends: Can we please not throw piss? Ever? Please?
Image by Brejak Konstantin courtesy of stock.xchng