The experience of being amongst ‘my people‘ does nothing but undermine my sense of self and exasperate self-loathing.
Generally speaking belonging to a community, a minority, a culture or a religion is something that provides a person with a sense of belonging, comfort and unity. If you believe this is the case with the London gay scene you probably also believe that Katie Holmes is getting laid.
Last weekend I was talked into attending London Pride. I’m not sure that 20 floats full of insecure exhibitionists was worthy of a ‘parade’ but there was one. Of course this is sceptical and undermines the efforts of those that have fought valiantly for our ‘cause’ but to hell with it. I got covered in so much glitter that the BFG could use me as a Christmas tree decoration.
And what’s with the rainbow flag? When so many bigots have suggested gays should ‘be shipped out to their own island to get on with it’ I’m not sure having our own flag is going to help our anti-deportation case should it ever come up; ‘Well they’ve got their own flag so give them their own island’. Not a good idea.
Once I had endured the day’s festivities I made my excuses. When they fell on deaf ears I mentally prepared myself for an evening of hideousness, i.e. got hammered real quick.
It would be too much to ask of a group defined by their dramatics that the evening would pass without incident. Being the only guy in a group of lesbians we ended up at Code bar in Soho. Queuing patiently with a group of women to use the gents’ toilet I was attacked by a girl who claimed that I should pee elsewhere as this was a ladies night. At that point a large Canadian lady told her to ‘get over the fucking gender thing’ and a row broke out. I’d like to say that I voiced my opinion on the matter, but I simply did not have the energy or the impetus. I left.
By comparison, I thought, Manchester’s gay scene at least has a mirthful atmosphere whereas London’s gays are products of the capital’s arrogance, neurosis and anonymity.
Just as I thought my pain had ended I bumped into a Hollyoaks cast member I’d once been pursued by. So as not to cuddle with the indiscreet cliché I won’t name them. As you’d expect from a rejected gay he was calculated and forcefully aloof. ‘Do I know you?’ he said. I said ‘yes it’s only been four years’. He replied ‘well you have put on a lot of weight’.
Image by Anemoneprojectors courtesy of Flickr