11 Things I Hate About the Tube

Travelling on the London Underground can be a character building experience, to say the least. At times you can feel like a farm animal in a claustophobic pen, being pushed and elbowed into a corner, face pressed against pane, or worse still: into the pungent armpit of some stinking commuter. That’s not to mention the signal failures, suspect packages and extorionate fares that go with it.

So to get it off my chest I thought I’d share with you my top 11 reasons for loathing the London Underground:

1. The people who stand on the left-hand side of the escalator despite the fact they can clearly see that everyone below them is standing to the right. Does that not seem odd to them?

2. The same person looking highly offended/shocked when someone says ‘excuse me’, and then the subsequent overly dramatic look up and down the escalator to establish that, yes, they are the only idiot standing on the wrong side of the escalator

3. The fact that Transport for London can’t make the tubes cool even when it’s freezing outside

4. The people who stand in front of the end of carriage windows when it’s stuffy and don’t bother to open the window

5. Or the person who opens the window and then stands there fully blocking all the air that’s coming in

6. People who think, despite the fact it’s rush hour, they should still be able to stand and read a newspaper while you cram yourself into a corner

7. Tourists who leave their bags on the platform and then wander off, leaving the rest of us to nervously stare at the bag willing it not to explode

8. People who stop at the top of escalators – how stupid do you have to be to not consider all the people behind you needing to also get off. Move idiots!

9. People who get trapped in the ticket gates despite there being a luggage gate right next to them. Doh!

10. Idiots that don’t move down the carriage and then look shocked and offended when you barge past them with a loud ‘tut’

11. People.

What do you hate about travelling on the tube? Use the comments box below to share. Don’t be shy!

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17 Responses

  1. Jade 41

    the idiots who push the open door sign thinking thinking they actually work. everyone in london knows they don’t!

  2. Sophie

    The fact that if you look people in the eye or, God forbid, smile, you’re automatically considered a freak. Makes me sad :-(

  3. Sophie Monks Kaufman
    Sophie Monks Kaufman

    People who get on before the other people get off when there is a voice constantly instructing passengers on this lone piece of tube etiquette.

  4. Thea

    I don’t know what i “hate” about the tube, but i know i love the distinct way the pre-recorded announcer lady says Highgate…”the next station is High-g’t” gets me everytime…it’s the little pleasures!

  5. Bradley


  6. Emma

    Bradley, totally agree, there is a distinct and clear but as yet unwritten rule that those who were already waiting by the doors have precedence over the cheeky fuckers who just turned up.

    I also hate the people with rucksacks on their backs and couples who insist on kissing in a packed carriage.

  7. Kitty

    Sitting OPPOSITE people. Not like a normal train where you are all facing different directions. Does anyone else find it quite intimidating??

  8. Paul

    Idiots who leave their bag on a seat when the carriage fills up. It gets me every time, the way they just stare straight ahead as if they aren’t aware somebody might like a seat. Inconsiderate fuckers!

  9. Rebecca Davies

    I hate the fact that young men sit tight in their seats whilst pregnant women, women carrying their young kids, elderly and less able stand!! I blame their mothers not bringing them up right!! I also hate the fact that its soooooo unfriendly!! Surely people in London can’t all want to ignore each other!! Head down , no eye contact… How depressing, think I’d throw myself under a tube if I had to commute like that every day!! Written by a person who lives in the welsh countryside, where every nosey neighbour knows your business and total strangers strangers pass by with a polite “hello”, nod and a smile. Makes my day .people need other people! Lighten up London! :) x

  10. S Waters

    that everytime I enter a carriage, someone sniffs really loudly, looking right at me, or coughs loudly in the direction of my face. Or other women will look at me disgustedly (thank goodness I’m not HER) you can see written all over their faces. I just am sad that if there is anything about you that looks different (my crime is that I’m a free spirit, I dont conform) you will just attract hostility , especially on the tube.

  11. Nicole Mullen
    Nicole Mullen

    Agree with all of the comments above. The one that gets me is the hostility towards people with suitcases. We’re not all annoying tourists!

    I live in London as a student, and getting back to Newcastle by myself with a heavy suitcase is a NIGHTMARE. Nobody bothers to help me, despite the fact I’m clearly struggling up the steps at Victoria/onto my train etc. Once at NCL, guarantee someone will offer to take my case off the train, and make sure I’m okay!

    RE: small pleasures – does anyone else have a chuckle at the way the Jubilee line woman says Willesden Green? Or North Greenwich? Cracks me up!

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