If Carlsberg did credit crunches, the markets would be based on units of alcohol consumed by Londoners, Lehman Brothers would be an action thriller starring Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson, and liquid (the city’s new buzz word) would be served chilled in a pint glass.
As it is, the City’s slickers, stripped of their slicker-ness (but arguably with more dignity than ever?) will be drinking themselves into a stupor in the abominable abyss that is Abacus tonight – I put money on it, perhaps even my five figure redundancy package… what, didn’t you get one? Sorry.
Anyway, whoever you are, it’s time to face facts and be less frivolous with your ‘liquid’. I’ve done my market research (AIG didn’t), so here are some tips for your perusal:
Sack off breakfast; you can ill afford to be a Crunchy Nut with the economy this flake-y. As visits to the Supermarché go, its baskets only from now on my sweet, filled with reduced items. Thrifty is the new sexy – word on the catwalk this week is that Kate Moss shops in Aldi. And take a packed lunch to work – puns like ‘My, you have a rather large lunch box don’t you’ are sure to boost office morale. If sexual innuendos aren’t your thing, get involved in the Boots meal deal.
Wave goodbye to designer label shirt and tie combos– white shirts (pink if you are man enough) with the more fashionable skinny tie will suffice. Anyone donning a pinstripe suit or wearing a tie with a knot the size of a big Mac is clearly off his head – you can ill afford that sort of bravado. Schoolboy error.
Many Londoners enjoy being single, but in the current climate is it economically viable? Before judging me, hear me out: first things first, you get regular(ish) sex. As if that’s not enough, you get the odd fry up at the weekend, presents on your birthday and a quiet night in watching romcoms – all deemed acceptable. Question is does that beat blowing 40 quid getting pissed and then throwing some loose darts across the dance floor? Metaphorically speaking…
So be frugal with your fashion/become a recessionista if you like taking advice from Americans (dangerous), look out for bargains, particularly for girls who aren’t high maintenance (pashmina’s and UGG boots spell trouble), live by the motto ‘less is more’ and maybe, just maybe, you’ll be alright.